Tag Archives: cromwell

The Much-Maligned King

Saint RichardWith the great historical discoveries we’ve had over recent years, there has been some major re-thinking on the history and reputation of one of England’s most hated and maligned kings – and rightly so.

While his mortal remains are now at rest this king’s legacy of evil and wickedness is still debated by eye-rolling, loony historians, fan-girls and sane history buffs on every Facebook page you come across (yes, I’ve checked, he even gets into groups dedicated to historical women *groan*).

He has, throughout, history, been demonised and vilified by historians and non-historians alike. Words such as “tyrant”, “monster” and “murderer” have been slung at this king for more years than I’d like to count.

The main beef for many is the propaganda levelled against this king by subsequent dynasties; the misrepresentation of his actions and the accusations of murder which just refuse to go away.

And mud sticks.

So it’s about time he was given the rights that all Englishmen have – the right to the “assumption of innocence until proven guilty”.

No, of course I’m not talking about Richard III! The man killed his nephews, why on earth should he be allowed to be presumed innocent?holbein henry

I’m referring to that great man of the Renaissance, the Hercules of England, Europe’s very own Alexander; Henry VIII, of course.

With this in mind I thought I would take a new look at the main accusations, strip away the propaganda and look at the deaths involved in their proper light; one at a time, rather than as one great killing spree.

Does responsibility lay at the king’s door?

Were the deaths justified for the good of the realm? Should I leave Cairo and move to more bridal climes? (Oops, sorry, that last was a personal question, not relevant – much – to this essay.)

The first person I looked into was Catherine of Aragon. Of course, Henry is not accused of killing her; but he is accused of treating her shamefully. Catherine married Henry having sworn that she’d never slept with her first husband Prince Arthur, Henry’s older brother. Catherine made thiCatherine_aragons declaration only after Arthur was safely dead – and therefore could not dispute it.

What was her motivation?

Well, Henry was a young, handsome – ok, gorgeous – 18-year-old Adonis who also happened to be king of one of the most powerful kingdoms of Europe, whereas she was a penniless Spanish princess who had been more-or-less abandoned by her own family. So, of course, she only said this out of her love for Henry, rather than any selfish reasons.

There was one problem with Catherine’s declaration; Prince Arthur had once sworn otherwise, declaring one morning, after leaving Catherine’s chamber, that he had “spent the night in Spain” (something no one bothered to tell Henry until many years later). Quite an unequivocal statement from a Prince who had no ulterior motive.

Poor Henry was a devout Catholic and knew that marrying his brother’s wife was a mortal sin and when he finally discovered the truth, what choice did he have but to divorce? And why would he do it with such vehemence and hatred? Surely it’s hard to be kind to someone who has endangered your immortal soul by making you commit such a heinous sin? Henry would have had to be a saint to be able to forgive. And it’s certainly not his fault that Catherine of Aragon stuck to this fib – through thick and thin – but neither is it Henry’s fault that he stuck to his own guns and fought to the very end to obtain a divorce.

So, now, we come to Henry’s “victims”.

Anneboleyn2Let’s look at Anne Boleyn first.

If Anne Boleyn was innocent of the crimes she was accused of – of sleeping with other men, including her brother and of planning the king’s death – then she is a true martyr and Henry is a monster worse than Darth Vader. However, thanks to the Daily Mail, we now know beyond any doubt that Anne did have an affair with her brother, George Boleyn. A French poem, written a few days after Anne’s execution by a Frenchman living in England, proves unequivocally that Anne slept with her brother.

And if one of the charges is true, then surely they all are?

And if Anne was sleeping around, what else could he do but execute her? Imprison her? Maybe, but an example from French history suggests the dangers in doing that. In 1314 the wives of France’s 3 princes were accused of adultery and imprisoned. However, the princes found obtaining divorces difficult (to cut a long story short) and all 3 ruled successively as kings of France, but were unable to  produce the much-desired legitimate male heir and the Capetian line died out.

With such an example from just a couple of hundred years ago, can Henry really be blamed for wanting a swift conclusion to his marriage?

And, to be honest, this same argument stands for Henry’s execution of Catherine Howard the poor chap is proof of the adage that lightning CAN strike twice in the same place).

One of the most heinous crimes that Henry is accused of is, of course, Margaret Pole, Countess of Salisbury. And well, to be honest, I’ll give his accusers that one. Poor Margaret. But, then, every king is allowed one over-reaction; Richard III has Lord Hastings, Henry gets Margaret Pole.

thomas moreAnd then there’s Thomas More…

Well, I have a theory…..

Sir Thomas More was Henry’s friend. What if he committed an unforgivable betrayal. I’m not referring to his refusal to swear allegiance to the Act of Succession, rather I’m referring to his abominable, slanderous book about Richard III.

We all know Henry loved his mother dearly, and spent most of his childhood sat on her lap, listening to her stories about her childhood, her father and her wonderful uncle, Richard. We always think of the Tudors hating Richard III, but in Henry’s time the slanderous, legend blackening work of Shakespeare is still decades in the future. What if Henry knew of the gentler side of Uncle Dickon? What if he saw him as the loving uncle of a fatherless teenage girl, who gave her gifts and danced with her at Christmas.

EoY portraitThis is the intimate picture of Richard III that Henry grew up with, knowing him and loving him as a favourite great-uncle. And then his friend presents him with a manuscript saying “I’ve put together some ideas, have a look at it, just let me know what you think.”

Of course, Henry reads it and goes ballistic. How dare More write such hateful things about this great king, this hero, this Son of York, this man who saved the kingdom from the disasters that would, almost-definitely, have befallen the land had a child-king been allowed to live …. er, I mean, to reign?

Henry had no choice, More brought it on himself. Henry had to have him executed in order to prevent More’s slanderous work from reaching a wider audience. It was the only way to prevent publication.

It’s not Henry’s fault the “facts” still got out…

By Jeff R Sun

*

Jeff R Sun has been supporting the Richards for years – I’m thinking of changing my allegiance to the Henrys. All advice appreciated.

If you would like to be the first to see the Jeffs’ latest blog posts, please like the Double History Facebook page.

*

Photos: Wiki

*

Sources: Measly Middle Ages; Terrible Tudors; Slimy Stuarts; Wiki; Daily Mail.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Medieval Origins of the Phrase “Cheeky Nando’s”

 

Nan i
The has been a recent upsurge of social media banter over the confusion of our American cousins surrounding the phrase “a cheeky Nando’s”. http://www.theladbible.com/articles/the-struggle-is-real-for-americans-to-understand-what-a-cheeky-nando-s-is

555251f2e4b46

Many assume that this is modern street slang which relates exclusively to the restaurant chain of that name. As used by younger British men, this is indeed the case. But like so many pieces of popular culture, the phrase actually has medieval origins and has changed its meaning over the centuries.

For some years I was, like many of us, under the impression that the phrase dated from the 1530s. Professor Aloysius “Corpus” Christie, in his 4-volume “Lads Nights Out in Tudor England” (London, Faber and Faber, 1958) quotes “Thommo” Cromwell as writing “The Kynge be styl undere ye habytte of sneakynge offe to Hever at hys nappe tyme with Mystresse Boleyn, that ye courtiers banter amonge themselves ‘Hys Grace be offe ageyne for an cheekye Nan-doze. Epycke! ‪#‎Bant‬ Boleyn'”.

However, recent research demonstrating conclusively that ‘Barnet’ is an anagram of ‘Banter’ pushes the phrase back further still, to 1471. A recently discovered codocil to “The Arrivall” relates how Edward IV having left “hys best mate Banthony Woodville” in charge of London, took his troops into action “agaynste ye Bantcastrian army where due to ye fogge and being totallye slaughterede after an nyghte in ye ale house, they were totallye slaughtered on ye fyelde of battaille. I didst near pysse mynself laughing! Nyce one! Ledge! ‪#‎warwickthebantmaker‬“.

Although this passage pushes documentary evidence of ‘lad’ culture back to 1471, it is unlikely to provide the origin of “cheeky nando’s” since the phrase fails to appear anywhere within it. The original Nando, of course, may have been Fernando I, ruler of Portugal from 1369-71. This was a time when the Iberian peninsula was in ferment, with the rival claimants Henry of Castile and Pedro the Cruel fighting a series of vicious wars in which the enlisted the help of English and French allies, banking on the animosity between the two powers attendant on the rivalry most famously expressed through the Hundred Years War.

It is my contention that matter would be settled by the discovery of a letter from John of Gaunt to his brother the Black Prince reading “Prinno, thou absolutte ledge! Whilst I embroil mynself in ye warre of Castile (and a few of ye Spanyshe chyckes as well, if thou knowst well my meaninge) it wouldst be welle epycke couldst thou rayse an army in Portugal ledde by Cheeky Nando, to take Henry in ye flanke. But notte in ye Dutche sense! ‪#‎lisbant‬ ‪#‎dukeofbantcaster‬!”

If anyone finds such a document, let me know.

References:
Christie, A: “Lads Nights Out in Tudor England” (London, Faber and Faber, 1958)
The “Nuts Magazine” pullout supplement on the Black Prince’s Navarette Campaign, 1367 (two pages stuck together after a lager spillage)
The Arrivall of King Edward IV

Jeff de Cuisine refuses to stoop to eating in chain restaurants, but after finishing this blog entry is off to a nice little bistro most people don’t know about for a quick supper followed by a classical concert. ‪#‎royalalbanthall‬ ‪#‎ludwigvanbanthoven‬

What Thomas More Didn’t Want You To Know

On April 12, 1534 Thomas More was asked to sign the Oath of Supremacy. Five days later, he was arrested and taken to the Tower where he spent the remainder of his days. So what was he doing during those five days? Was he taking the opportunity to persecute a few more heretics? Filling out the lengthy application for sainthood?  Was he indulging in some well-deserved self-flagellation? No, no, and no. The truth is… he had a bonfire party.

more's richard

You see, Thomas More had a lot of things to hide.  The ending to his “The History of King Richard III”, the whereabouts of at least one of the Princes in the Tower, and the directions to Utopia, just to name a few.  Thomas More had even figured out how to effect world peace, build a better mousetrap, and time travel.

More family portrait

More knew that the villain Henry VIII would see to it that he did not survive. But he would have his revenge on Henry and on the world, which he deemed sinful and full of vice. So he strolled out into his courtyard and he built  a pyre. He threw in the last chapters of Richard III, his decoder ring for his family portrait, and the iPhone he acquired on a trip to the 21st century.  He stood merrily by, toasting marshmallows and roasting sausages, as the answers to so many questions went up in smoke.

moreburningbooks

More languished in the Tower stubbornly refusing to sign the oath. His trial might have come much sooner, were it not for Thomas Cromwell. Cromwell had dined with More at Chelsea and had heartily enjoyed a wonderful pastry during the meal. For weeks, he browbeat More and history would have us believe that the Oath was his primary objective. In truth, it was the recipe for the marvelous dessert that Cromwell craved. Unfortunately, More had burned his cookbook along with the rest of the mysteries and refused to divulge the secret to the tasty tart.

tudor pastry

Almost five hundred years later, we still wonder what More meant by his History of Richard III and argue its relevance. Periodically, someone will point out a hidden message in the More family portrait and keyboards are ferociously pounded as historians great and small discuss the meaning of it all. Thomas More took to his grave the answers to some of the most puzzling questions in history.  But his stinginess in withholding the instructions to delicious pastry was just not a very saintlike thing to do.

 

Jeff “the wiz” Berlin

Sources:

The History of King Richard III

Thomas More The Saint and the Society

The Keebler Elves

 

Having sworn off strip clubs and agreeing to cut back on my consumption of scotch, I am happy to report that my wife seems less disgruntled than has previously been the case.  I am not long to linger in domestic bliss, however. My next super secret spy mission is taking me to Phuket, Thailand, and then perhaps on to Cairo. There have been reported disturbances in these places, in regards to reggae music and national and historical safety.

 

 

Thomas Cromwell’s Bloody Valentine

Thomas Cromwell has been enjoying  popularity lately, due to a series of novels, plays, and televisions series. Dare I name it? “Wolf Hall”. So it seems apt, on this day that celebrates love, that we examine Master Secretary’s secret love life. Did he pine for the company of anyone? Was his heart filled with an ardent desire? Was his love fueled by lust or ambition?

thomas_cromwell (1)

Thomas Cromwell was married to Elizabeth Wykes, and she bore him three children. By all accounts, theirs was a merry household and the marriage was sound if not a love match. Sadly Cromwell lost his wife and two daughters to the sweating sickness in 1528/29. He would never remarry. This does not necessarily mean that Cromwell never fancied another woman. Born the son of a blacksmith,  Cromwell had gained not only a position of high favor, but he had also amassed a great deal of wealth. There were widows and daughters of guildsmen who were available, but Cromwell, a romantic at heart, set his cap at another lady love.

holbein_henry_viii (1)

Cromwell’s position as Master Secretary to Henry VIII allowed and required correspondence with many people. One of these people was the king’s own daughter, the Lady Mary. Mary petitioned Cromwell for help with her situation with her father, which was dire to say the very least. Could the blacksmith’s son have now become a knight errant in service to this damsel in distress? Could a lonely princess whose social calendar was a bit sparse have grown fond of the man in black?

Who1

Apparently so. Rumors began to swirl that Cromwell intended to wed his monarch’s bastard daughter, but first he had to be sure that the maiden would survive until the nuptials. In one of the strangest collaborations of the times, Cromwell paired himself with the Imperial ambassador, Eustace Chapuys, and the old Catholic nobility, men such as Carew, Montague, and Courtenay. Between them, they brought down Anne Boleyn and her faction. But Henry, implacable, continued in his harsh treatment of his daughter, despite overtures by his new queen, Jane Seymour.

Heart-with-Rosary

At this point, Cromwell began to exchange letters with Mary in earnest, through his man, Thomas Wriothesley. Notes of Cromwell’s from this time in his meticulous records refer to Mary as Valentine. He began to send purses of coin to her, along with the occasional Hallmark card, and huge stuffed animal he crafted himself at “Thou Buildest A Bear”. Wriothesley, a rather more handsome man than Cromwell, who carried these trinkets to the forlorn maid said,”For my Lord, who is her Valentine.” Could Wriothesley have been acting as a Cyrano de Bergerac for the less than comely Cromwell?

wriothesley

Now there were men in this time who most certainly would not stand for not only Cromwell’s son Gregory, having married Jane Seymour’s sister, being the king’s brother in law, but now Cromwell was poised to become a prince in all but blood, by becoming the king’s son in law. Norfolk shouted, “It is not to be born!”.  And Cromwell’s former allies such as Carew were not supportive of the Putney boy marrying the princess who was not a princess anymore, but still a princess anyway. Or something like that

. black_rose____broken_heart.gif_480_480_0_64000_0_1_0

Cromwell and Chapuys convinced Mary to submit to her father and Jane Seymour encouraged Henry to welcome her back into the fold. Cromwell’s unrequited love left him a vulnerable man, and shortly thereafter his own meteoric fall from grace left him missing not only his Valentine, but his head as well.

Thomas-Cromwell-300x168

Jeff “the wiz” Berlin

Sources: Build-a-Bear workshop- a history

Hallmark- they really DO have a card for everything

Reviews of a Cromwell Biography

“The Tudors” -James Frain, you rock Dude!

“Thomas Cromwell- the untold story of Henry VIII most faithful servant” by Tracy Borman. – If you have not read this, you should, seriously.

“Wolf Hall” by Hilary Mantel

Author’s notes: Hello dear reader! I hope you are enjoying this special day, and showering those you love with baubles and trinkets galore! If not, feel free to shower me, as I have not a trinket nor a bauble on this day. I blame the Friday the 13th preceding this Valentine’s Day. Still it is nice to think of Bloody Mary receiving little gifts. Maybe I will just go have a drink or two in her name. Happy Valentine’s Day!

1536: A Joust, A Secret, and Two Dead Queens

On January 7, 1536, Katherine of Aragon died alone and forgotten at Kimbolton Castle. Years of suffering neglect and outrages to her dignity had worn her down. Whether she was Henry VIII’s true wife and rightful Queen of England no longer mattered. She was dead and Anne Boleyn was his only wife now.

Henry and Anne dressed in yellow for the “mourning”, and jousts were scheduled to celebrate the death of the old harridan. Free at last from threat of war and expecting his long awaited heir, Henry’s life was finally looking up. His most beloved Queen Anne was pregnant, and doctor and fortune teller alike had reassured Henry that she was carrying his son. His daughter Mary had been placed in the household of her younger sister, and he had a new mistress in Jane Seymour. We can only imagine how triumphant Henry was feeling that morning as he prepared for the joust.
H and A yellow
The gallant king rode into the tiltyard, making a pass before the spectators, so that all could observe his chivalry and massive codpiece. What happened next remains unclear. Perhaps the horse was startled by a noise (or that codpiece),or maybe the poor beast foundered under the tremendous weight of the man. Whatever the cause, founder it did and down they went, horse and rider, in a horrifying spectacle of twisted metal, broken bones, and blood.

Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk  and Henry’s greatest friend, ordered the king removed to a private pavillion, while Thomas Howard, 3rd Duke of Norfolk, summoned a priest. He ordered a doctor to be brought to the pavillion, but  all of them were drunk on the free wine flowing from fountains.  Thomas Cromwell, the son of a blacksmith, summoned the king’s armorer to remove the mangled armor from the king’s body. This achieved, they made a horrifying discovery. Henry VIII was dead.

henry armor

The Wars of the Roses leapt to the minds of the two dukes. Henry’s heir had not yet  been born.  The  country had much loved poor old Queen Katherine, and did not like Anne. For two hours they plotted. Cromwell, a man of low cunning, was quick to lend his help. He knew of a man in Flanders, probably descended from one of Edward IV many illegitimate children, who so strongly resembled Henry that they could be twins. He was a bit heavier, and of ill temperament, but  he would only have to impersonate the king until Anne delivered the heir. They agreed that this would be best, and in a moment of rare accord, the dukes decided to carry out this deceit.

Brandon, who matched Henry in size and stature, took the king’s place on a litter, bandaged so as not to be recognised. He was carried to the king’s bedchamber, and Cromwell forbade any to enter, except for four men. The Groom of the Stool, Henry Norris, Francis Weston, William Brereton, and the queen’s brother, George Boleyn,  Lord Rochford. A musician, Mark Smeaton, was summoned so that his music would keep anything from being overheard. Then disaster struck.

Anne miscarried Henry’s heir. The plan, already in motion, could not be changed. Brandon, again disguised as Henry, retreated to Richmond. There the imposter was trained by him to imitate Henry’s mannerisms. Norfolk had the impossible job of securing the queen. Anne now wished to reveal all, that she might reign as Regent for Elizabeth. This would never do, and so Cromwell devised a skillful plot to be rid of not only the troublesome queen, but the unfortunate witnesses as well.  He accused them of perversions and treason, and in a strike that can only be described as lightening fast, brought about the executions of Anne Boleyn and the rest.

thomas_cromwell

It would be often remarked upon, and recorded that the king changed dramatically in 1536. Gone was the charming chivalrous prince, and in his place a suspicious and cruel tyrant. Henry’s daughter Mary had been removed from her father for a lengthy time, and if she noticed anything, she failed to comment.  The imposter had no trouble fathering a son, but his rages and displays of emotion would have terrible consequences. Anne of Cleves suspected that something was not right. Henry looked nothing like the portrait she had seen of him. The Tudor propaganda machine went to work, and Cromwell turned the words around. Not long after, Cromwell went to the block, in a scheme planned by his coconspirator, Norfolk. Norfolk then was imprisoned, and sentenced to die. Of all involved, only Charles Brandon, ever faithful, kept the secret and the king’s trust. Henry VIII died again on January 28, 1547.

 

Sources:

Countless facebook pages and groups- Tudor Dynasty, Charles Brandon and Mary Tudor, What Really Happened, Not Just Tudors, and many more!

Tom Tucker, a descendant of Henry VIII armorer (sorry man, I know I wasn’t supposed to name names, but people want to know about the armor)

My own family history, especially you Uncle Jeff!

“The Imposter”

my dentist

 

Some more about me, Jeff “the wiz” Berlin

Well, after an enjoyable interview with QueenAnneBoleyn.com I am currently on assignment. It is top secret and if I told you where and what it was, you would be astounded. Suffice to say, it is a big deal, and I am in grave danger.