Tag Archives: Burger King

Castle building through the ages

I was in the middle of a meeting. We were discussing why so many mediaeval castles were in ruins, dilapidated and falling down. Did those old kings just build broken castles, were they bad builders or was there some other reason that as yet had not been contemplated?

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The topic turned to why castles were so often in out of the way places and so often were very hard to find.  Why oh why could those old kings not have indicated the post code of their old broken castles on their old mediaeval documents?

I was thinking of these weighty issues as I left the meeting and not thinking at all about the young person who hangs around the house. He telephoned in a panic. The freezer in the student digs had broken down and there, rapidly defrosting, were 400 plus chicken nuggets. What could he do?

Having pondered the problem during the drive home, the 6 o’clock news, the glass of G and T, the dinner, I eventually turned to Google…

Not helpful!

No hints or tips or conclusions how to use up four hundred plus of the world’s worst culinary mistakes.

Thinking, as only a satirist can, out of the box, I eventually came up with a cunning plan. ‘Baldric’ I called… (forgetting that I was not Blackadder)… ‘I have a cunning plan’.

Baldric gently explained that he was a screen character and he was the one who came up with the cunning plans, so that firmly scuppered, I went back to the drawing board.

It was hard and cold trying to sleep on that drawing board, but by morning I had a solution. I also had goose bumps.

For this you will need four hundred chicken nuggets and four hundred (plus) cocktail sticks.

Spray paint.

Authentic landscape.

Place cocktail sticks in nuggets.

Bake at 100 degrees Celsius for 7 hours until rock hard.

Remove from oven and allow to cool.

Spray paint the nuggets in a stone grey and brown paint.

Allow to dry.

Join nuggets together using the cocktail sticks.

Place on landscape of pretend grass.

Market as Ruined Mediaeval Fort for small children.

The castle I built today.

The above photo is one I built earlier.

The amazing simplicity and beauty of this interlocking system is that many other types of left over or prematurely defrosted food can be used this way, therefore creating whole villages and shires for sale on eBay.

chicken-nuggets
Care MUST be taken with assembly or the whole thing lacks the authentic Mediaeval Castle look. The builder of this example is having further training.

One could also organise day trips to the ‘place’ and target wealthy people with more money than sense (except for the potential down side: get caught and imprisoned for fraud,) but some masterpieces are now changing hands for an amazing amount of money.

Ruined castleSo by accident I had solved the problems discussed at the meeting. Castles were hard to find as they exist solely in toy boxes and appear ruined simply because the ‘builder’ ran out of chicken nuggets!

I realise now there have been clues right in front of my eyes, like the advert from a world renowned burger chain that reads ”Live like a King – 10 chicken nuggets for only £1.49”

Digest and enjoy.

Sources:

Most often tomato, usually at extra cost.

© Jeff Jefferty Jeff 04/09/15

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The Burgers of Calais

220px-King_Edward_III_from_NPGEngland’s great king Edward III, following his victory in the Battle of Crecy, laid siege to Calais.

The city had been ordered to hold out at all costs by the king of France, Philip VI. Philip had said he would come to the town’s relief, but he didn’t reach Calais in time and so failed to lift the siege.

The diminishing cheese-supply forced the city to parley for surrender.

According to medieval writer Jean Froissart, Edward offered to spare the people of the city if any six of its top burgers would surrender themselves to him, presumably to be grilled or fried.

Edward demanded that they came out already in their sesame-seeded buns, and with onions on the side, but no gherkins – he hated gherkins – and the keys to the city and castle in a Happy Meal box.

One of the wealthiest of the town leaders, Eustache de imagesSaint-Pierre, volunteered his Big Mac and five other Quarterpounders joined with him. A Chicken Legend tried to come too, but Edward only wanted beefy burgers. Saint-Pierre led this tray of burgers to the city gates.

The burgers expected to be fried, they really thought their bacon was cooked.

But their buns were spared by the intervention of England’s queen, Philippa of Hainault, who persuaded her husband to exercise mercy by claiming that the smell of their cooking would be a bad omen for her unborn child – and then ran to the nearest toilet, retching.

 indexThe story of the Burgers of Calais became so popular that renowned artists were inspired. The most famous of which is the sculpture by Rodin.

Copies of Rodin’s famous sculpture can be found from major cities to the smallest out-of-the-way town – throughout the world.

Every time we see the golden arches, we are reminded of the great sacrifice offered by the Burgers of Calais.

 

 

 

Sauces: Thousand Island, mayonnaise, mustard, BBQ and ketchup.

Research trips (because it was cheaper than going to Calais): McDonald’s, Burger King, Wimpy, KFC (oops, no beef?), Pizza Hut (well, they do do a burger crust pizza, so it was worth a try).

 

Jeff R Sun suddenly has a yearning for a Big Mac – see ya!