Will Kermit dump Miss Piggy after shock revelation?
#Hameron is hogging the limelight today as even the Tweeters cannot come up with anything more horrific than the reality. Phone lines are crackling and the PM is facing a roasting at Question Time. Will he be able to ham it up and stand up to the ribbing, keep his job and bring home the bacon? Will he tell porkies? Will he stay at home and claim to be poorly with Swine Fever? Will he just be piggy-in-the-middle?
I don’t want to be boarish on this, but if you don’t know what I am talking about, I seriously advise you not to find out. The image will stick in your mind and haunt your dreams.
I thought it may be a good idea to look at the back ground of all this and to trace at least one strange public school rituals.
When Edward Lear wrote ‘The Owl and the Pussy Cat’ it was innocently supposed to be a nonsense rhyme written for a small daughter of a friend. The poem was published in 1871 as part of his book Nonsense Songs, Stories, Botany and Alphabets and few people realized that it was a coded look at rituals and initiation ceremonies in English Public Schools and Universities.
A ‘Public’ school in the United Kingdom is not as its name suggests a school for everyone, but an expensive and elite school, for the richest of the rich of the privileged classes. Places at these schools are hard to get and to qualify one needs money, to know the ‘right people’ and to speak with a posh accent. Intelligence and academic qualifications are not desirable attributes to have, though a knowledge of Rugby (the game) and keeping a string of Polo ponies is generally required.
Historically Public Schools were single sex boarding schools and they have had a strong association with the ruling classes, educating the sons of the English upper and upper-middle classes. In 2010, over half of Cabinet Ministers had been educated at public schools.
The rest had just messed around and toasted bread in front of a fire whilst drinking Pimms at public school.
Edward Lear came from a very poor background, the twentieth of twenty one children and was raised by his elder sister Annie. By coincidence my Grandfather on my father’s side was also raised by his elder sister Annie. My grandfather was not Edward Lear. Neither Edward Lear nor my Grandfather went to Public School, indeed both were fortunate to get an education at all.
(Editor’s note: Shut up about your grand-daddy and get back to Lear.)
The closest Lear came to marriage was two proposals, both to the same woman, 46 years his junior, which were never accepted. His passion and most fervent and painful friendship involved Franklin Lushington, a young barrister he met in Malta in 1849. He later toured southern Greece with him. Lear developed an undoubtedly homosexual, but unreciprocated, love for him.
Lushington was a wealthy and privileged young man of American lineage, who had been educated in the English Public school system. It is thought that his school was Charterhouse, the same school as his uncle. Lear and Lushington remained friends for 40 years and upon his death, Lear left all of his paper work to him. Regrettably Lushington destroyed much of it, but it is from the archives of the remaining letters and papers that the true story behind the Owl and the Pussy Cat has now emerged and it tells the tale of Lushington’s initiation ceremony at his Public School.
This is how it is described line by line
The Owl and the Pussy cat went to sea
The owl describes the intelligent and wise student. The Pussy is anyone, most often a woman, who is willing to fornicate. It is still used as a euphemism for female genitalia.
‘Went to sea’ describes the start of their sexual adventure, the virgin student feeling rather adrift and scared
In a beautiful pea green boat, This is a euphemism for the scared nausea the student is feeling
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
This line describes the student’s hope that the experience will be sweet, but acknowledges that it is a financial transaction and he will have to pay the ‘pussy’
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
The student says a quick prayer that he does not catch anything
And sang to a small guitar,
Lear was an accomplished musician and often sang to his friends, but piano does not rhyme with much
O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
This and the next few lines describe the student’s thought upon seeing the woman naked
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
What a beautiful Pussy you are!
Pussy said to the Owl, “You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?”
The prostitute flatters the student and tries to persuade the student to marry her.
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
This is a euphemism for long and satisfactory sexual encounter
To the land where the Bong-Tree grows
They smoked pot (Cannabis, Marijuana, weed etc) from a hookah
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
Whilst stoned they saw a pig. I can exclusivly reveal that the pig in question was Miss Piggies great great great great great great great great great grandfather, Piggie Bates, known more generally as Master Bates.
Kermit is said to be devastated and a close friend has revealed that although he cannot blame Miss Piggy for her ancestor, he fears her sausages may be tainted.
With a ring at the end of his nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose
Pigs sometimes had rings inserted in their noses to stop them rootling in the earth and eating all the expensive truffles, which were needed to feed Public School students,
“Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
See #Hameron #blackmirror #piggate
Said the Piggy, “I will.”
Actually the pig didn’t have a choice. He didn’t have a leg to stand on. All his legs had been roasted and served with apple sauce and gravy.
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
This indicates a pseudo religious ceremony, Turkey or Turkey Cock being slang for an unfrocked priest, most often one who had been excommunicated for sex crimes.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Expensive food from Fortnum and Mason, but probably used here to indicate expensive opium drugs
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
This is the 19th century word for the spoon that is used to heat the drugs
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
They danced by the light of the moon
After all that cannabis, opium and intercourse, high as kites they partied the night away.
The exact nature of the poem has been hinted at before in a deleted scene intended for the Family Guy episode Quagmire’s Baby involving Quagmire reading the book to his daughter, but then getting aroused by the sexual nature of the story. Regrettably this did not pass the rigorous censorship needed to keep the show relatively respectable.
And that, as they say, is that.
© Jeff Jefferty Jeff 21/09/15
I hope the weather improves. I am going to a hog roast later 😉
Usually apple with pork, but the ma in law always served a nice mustard sauce. Ketchup with bacon. Mayonnaise with ham. HP with sausages